I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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