the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
