i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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