I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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