Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize