My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
