Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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