names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
