Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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