she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
