So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
