Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

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  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13856) Bad night (1039)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"

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  (574): apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!" http://tfl.nu/r6a4
  Replies (25) Good night (3600) Bad night (1332)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.

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  (813): I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this. http://tfl.nu/6tpg
  Replies (32) Good night (717) Bad night (3202)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.

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  (413): Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed. http://tfl.nu/2338
  Replies (20) Good night (5702) Bad night (691)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.

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  (479): I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous. http://tfl.nu/e117
  Replies (14) Good night (4650) Bad night (571)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

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  (847): Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets http://tfl.nu/vbys
  Replies (8) Good night (4236) Bad night (1129)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

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  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (23) Good night (1544) Bad night (4229)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday

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  (506): just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday http://tfl.nu/uetg
  Replies (7) Good night (2434) Bad night (1105)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year

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  (205): Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year http://tfl.nu/pmyc
  Replies (7) Good night (1039) Bad night (1834)
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  (04): View more from

  This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.

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  (04): This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street. http://tfl.nu/uumo
  Replies (5) Good night (1902) Bad night (576)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"

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  (812): whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight" http://tfl.nu/xl0q
  Replies (1) Good night (1122) Bad night (525)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.

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  (816): Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again. http://tfl.nu/9z7k
  Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (1035)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.

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  (609): I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/8ezs
  Replies (11) Good night (1178) Bad night (429)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.

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  (804): I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together. http://tfl.nu/pd1t
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (363)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.

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  (218): Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning. http://tfl.nu/ybgs
  Replies (3) Good night (334) Bad night (867)

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