As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need a beard to bite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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