Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.