I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
