It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
