then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the condom got lost in my hair
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
