You just made me feel so damn special
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
