How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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