I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
