Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do herpes really smell.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
