i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
