I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
