put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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