i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
