If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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