The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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