I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
