Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
