I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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