I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
