oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
