I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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