If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
