Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize