I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Still dying that you shit outside
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
