after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
