Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
