we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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