We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
