matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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