Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We got so high we made milksteak
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
