True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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