Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
