with your own penis?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
