P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
