tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
