mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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