Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
