dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
