So drunk its hurt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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