you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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