office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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