Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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