I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
whose parrot is this?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
