We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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