1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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