"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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