this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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