The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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