I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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