I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
