Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
