I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
