i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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