fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
