i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
