fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
