Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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