somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
