just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How naked do you want me to be?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
