I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
