What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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