i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
