Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're like the curious george of whores
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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