god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
