Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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