In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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