one two three fourrrrnication!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
